| I'll take a penny for your thoughts...literally... |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
Worked at the Nines tonight and it was pathetically slow. I had 4 tables working 6-9:30. The bartender let me go early, technically as the closer i should stay until 1am. So, after tipping out the kitchen, paying for Ellie's wine (she hung out with me a bit before the shift started and i treated her), a half priced drink for myself, paying for my chicken wings for lunch tommorrow (eric and I split them, and I only pay half price as an employee) and dropping Mike a few bucks for putting tables up for me (i have to, unless I wanted to stay until midnight) I came home with s WHOPPING FIVE DOLLARS.
Duuuude, i should have just called in sick. |
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| At a plateau |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|05:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Jack Johnson | ] |
So I have finally lost 4 out of the 5 pounds I had gained. Damn me for being an emotional eater. Its a bit depressing though cause I still cant get past the 86 pound hurdle. I know, bitch bitch bitch, but Ive been here since August and would like to continue my weight loss. Working out has been less recently, but i cant really fit it in time wise right now, especially since I am also exhausted. Although with teaching i walk pretty much for 6 straight hours and the hike up to the branch at Cornell makes a decent little work out. So who knows. Im trying to come up with some ideas to break beyond this plateau (ideas are welcome!)
Until then I have to stop feeling guilty about being stuck. There's been a lot of progress and sometimes I just need a reminder.
a meeting with old high school friends in February of 2008
And yesterday at my family reunion with my cousins and sister!
I need a shower. Im smelly---again. |
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| 10 year |
[Oct. 17th, 2009|08:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Grey's Anatomy | ] |
Ugh. So a few days ago I got an invitation to my 10 year high school reunion. Oh the horror. And then, relief...it was scheduled the same weekend as my grandmother's 75th birthday party. Phew. ANNNNNND then, last night I get a new message that it is rescheduled for the November 28th because the place we're having it at was double booked.
Well hell.
I am resisting the urge to stomp my feet and scream (like a child) that I DON'T WANNA GO!
But no one is making me.
I feel like I should go, but not a whole lot has seemingly changed since high school for me. I'm a part time professional who also has a not so secret life doubling as a second rate banker and newbie waitress. I can see myself walking in my reunion saying "hi guys! Oh, what am I doing now? Well, I am a currently unemployed college instructor and poor freelance artist. I live in Ithaca with someone I have been dating for two years who can't seem to call me his girlfriend even though we love each other. In my spare time in order to afford my bills I work as a disgruntled bank employee and exhausted waitress. I am not married, I have no children, and obviously no full time job. Look at me, Im not the complete loser that I was in high school! Oh yes, I do have two adorable cats."
Ummm yeah. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. How can I even compare to their marriage and babies and great jobs and fulfilled lives. Im pretty much the same loser lindsey who no body seemed to really like but most people tolerated. I used to get on the bus to moo-ing sounds, and calls of "watch out fat ass is coming though". People pantsed me. People put notes in my locker telling me how awful i was-my favorite being "dig a hole and die in it, nobody likes you here".
I wanted to have accomplished more in 10 years then this. I wanted to go to my reunion triumphant and successful...not to same loser lindsey.
I wanted to be more.
And I wanted to beat them. |
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| Politics of Images |
[Oct. 16th, 2009|07:31 am] |
As someone intimately involved in the world of imagery, especially in depictions of the contorted female form (through my art work), I find the images recently put out by the people at Ralph Lauren of women photoshopped to the point of emaciation an interesting struggle between absolute absurdity and the warped views of sexuality in consumerism.
If you have not seen it yet google the model Filippa Hamilton who is the model for Ralph Lauren in the paragraph above (in the image I am talking about she's wearing jeans and a patterned button down-you can miss it). The model looks like she has been starved and abused for months--this model was also recently fired by RL for being "too fat" at a size 4! Okay, seriously now, when the big wigs in the fashion industry start thinking that a size 4 is fat? Is not the "average" american woman something like a size 12? With "plus sizes" starting in some stores that I have seen beginning at a size 10, which that alone leaves me almost speechless, we have to wonder where our obsession with super thin models being the epitome of sexuality is going. Even the model, Filippa had this to say upon seeing the image of her "It is not a good example when you see this picture, every young woman is going to look at this and think that it is normal to look like that. It is not."
There are things we regular people know about the modeling industry, like that EVERYTHING is photoshopped, that most models are impossibly tall and thin in general (the average being 5'10"), and that in order to be so thin a good portion of these models more then likely have an eating disorder. They are a walking clothes hangar, and the more high-end the product they are displaying the thinner it seems these women are. And it is horrible to watch many of these walking skeletons who look like they might break like the heel of a stiletto. Sometimes you get a Heidi or Tyra (I pick them due to their large commercial exposure) who are considered the "curvy" women, who at this point in their careers are so powerful in the industry of high fashion and commercial appeal that no one is really going to call them fat--too much.
So when I saw these distorted images I jumped up in outrage, decrying the way the industry makes these horrible images into the grandest of commodity fetishes...doesn't the picture just scream "buy these clothes, you will be sexy? have this body and you will be desired by everyone. If you can be anything, look like anyone, why would you not choose to be this?" I lamented what young women would think when they saw this and wonder if they think the same way that many of us do, that self worth is based on the size of my dress (irrational, but its a regular thought in my head). I worried about all young people looking at this image as sexual, as something desirable, even appallingly more-attainable. I worry that somewhere deep down it made me want to skip dinner. And I am probably not the only one.
And we blame the "industry", (specifically Ralph Lauren in this instant), and yet it was pointed out to me recently that if we did not buy the clothes the image would not be reinforced. Seeing those images causes outrage, but does it not also get RL business? Is not the saying that any press, even bad press, good press? They get in the news and the image becomes even more widely circulated, the drama causes there to be a focus on the business. Are they contributing to the degeneration of the image of what a desirable woman should be? Absolutely. Yet we as consumers are also at fault for reinforcing their ideology that the skinnier the women are the better, pictures as worth more then just a thousand words.
And honestly, this post is not about about size, but images that promote severely unhealthy behavior. You can be completely healthy at a size 0, or even a size 18. And you can also be unhealthy at those sizes. We should start showing women who are healthy no matter their size. We should not have an epidemic of young people starving themselves to death just to get a job, to be the "perfect image". We are different shapes and sizes and our role models should be people who are happy, healthy and in love with who they are--and that is how we should define what "sexy" is. We have a long way to go.
In short, it is destructive to promote unreal images which erode the beauty of who we are, for both men and women. Images are powerful, in many ways more powerful then words alone. And, although there are aspects of the fashion industry that I find interesting, this is not one of them. Models are not just a walking plastic hangar, and the people who buy clothes are just normal people, with flaws--and those are what make us unique. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|10:35 pm] |
Well I just got home from work and made $100in tips! Good right? well yes except for the face that there is something very wrong with my car. It runs fine until I turn on the fan and then it wants to die--it did when I was in the apt parking lot not moving. Shit. Just when things start looking up...and I am an hour and a half from my mechanic who let's me carry a tab. Double shit. Does anyone know a good mechanic in Ithaca? I worry the dealership will be too expensive. Gahhhhhhh!
Also changes at work. Bitchy mgr is sent to another branch and I am now temp full time until we get more staff. Good and bad I guess.
Blah.Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Worky McWorkface |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|07:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
My hours for the next two days:
Today:
Bank 8:30-5:15
Nines 5:30-1am
Tomorrow
Bank 8:30-5:15
Its going to be a long 36 or so hours.... |
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| The movies I can't live without...and the rest to get rid of! |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|10:22 am] |
Which is a surprisingly small list:
American Beauty
Artemisia
Batman Begins
Beyond the Sea
The Dark Knight
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ghost World
Girl with a Pearl Earring
Harry Potter 1-5
Hotel Rwanda
The Illusionist
Juno
The Life of David Gale
Moulin Rouge
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pan's Labyrinth
Phantom of the Opera
Office Space
Lost in Translation
The Pianist
Plesantville
Pride & Prejudice
Shawshank Redemption
Sex in the City
The Village
V For Vendetta
Walk the Line
And here are some more movies on the "to get rid of" list:
From hell
Superman Returns
Chicago
Borat
Loser
Cellular
Edmondo
Day After Tomorrow (this is another copy)
Hulk (w Eric Bana)
Blood Work
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Hunted
King Arthur
Running with Scissors
A Time to Kill
Romeo and Juliet (the Leo DiCaprio/Claire Danes one)
Tomb Raider 1&2 |
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| Movies!!! |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|08:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Okay, so I need to make some room (and need some cash, honestly) and Im looking to rid myself of some movies-decent titles too, Im only keeping that which i cannot live without. I figure $2 a pop, and if there is something you like we can work out what it costs to ship. So if you're interested, let me know!
thanks!
Fight Club
Fargo
Elizabethtown
Downfall (a german movie about hitler)
The Day After Tomorrow
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Constant Gardener
Children of Men
Hero
Big Fish
The Green Mile
Girl, Interrupted
High Fidelity
Mean Girls
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The X-Files: Fight the Future
Signs
Star Wars: A new Hope
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Pirates of the Caribbean *first one
Pay it forward
Mona Lisa Smile
The Others
Moulin Rouge
Bend it Like Beckham
Bridge Jones: the Edge of Reason
The Rundown |
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| My Life = Complete |
[Sep. 6th, 2009|07:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Today I get to go see MC Hammer at the Great New York State Fair. You KNOW you're jealous.
Other then that I declare tomorrow "Lindsey shall paint some more day (and not do any cleaning)" Okay, so I doubt the second part will happen, but I am hopeful.
Will post pictures--hoping their will be Hammer pants. |
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| Lunch laughs |
[Sep. 2nd, 2009|03:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NCIS | ] |
So, I only worked until 2:15 today and on the way home I picked up beer and lunch at Tops. My lunch decision was a Smart Ones Quesadilla. So i get home, hungry, ready to slap whatever is in the box in the toaster oven.
Well being practical I look at the back of the box for cooking instructions and to my great amusement is says:
"Step 1: Remove 1 Quesadilla (1 serving) and 1 sleeve from plastic wrapper. RETURN SECOND QUESADILLA TO THE FREEZER."
My translation of this is: THIS IS ONLY ONE SERVIING, FATTY! PUT DOWN THE QUESADILLA AND STEP AWAY FROM IT CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A FATTY, RIGHT???
I snickered as a downed both of them, after all they're only 4 weight watcher's points a piece ;) |
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| Painting |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|06:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Well, Im finally doing some painting. It is all small scale (11"x14") but its....something.
I think they're coming along okay. Its different and Im a little unsure, but heres a preview...
Compliments, criticism, and cookies all welcome. |
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| Vacay |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|09:57 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ANTM - although i need to be watching "Once" since Ive had it for a month... | ] |
Well, it is long over-due (and i am procrastinating about cleaning up after the tornado that hit the apartment) so here is the post about Vacay!
The nine days was spent in Hammond, NY on the St Lawrence River with Missy, Frank, and Eric at Frank's parent's cottage--so no, i did not camp in a tent for 9 days! We didn't do much other then swim, fish, play games, sleep, nap, do crossword puzzles, and eat. One tradition of camp is to cook something you have not cooked before (although this tradition was bended for old favorites) and I made speedies with a potato salad one day and bruschetta another day. Eric made Japanese favorites Okonomiyaki and Ramen (not the nasty stuff we can get for 25 cents) and it was yummy. Frank and Missy went all out making things like poppyseed chicken, home made rubens, lasagna, eggs benedict and much more. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled to step on the scale after to food smorgisborg but I think it was balanced out by all the swimming and only gained a pound! WOOT! And Im back to elliptical so hopefully that will be gone in no time! Missy's 32nd birthday was while we were at camp and we had a mini party with a super delicious cake, mmmm cake. We went to Alexandria bay a few times, had pizza on the bay and walked around looking at all the boats that we wish we could afford! In addition there were other guests of Missy and Frank's parents at different times, neighbors Betty and Dave (who took us on 2 different boatrides to see Brockville at sunset--so pretty!), and Frank's sister and her husband Sarah and Dave. We also went to the drive in and saw "GI JOE" and "ORPHAN" (each a bit better then my rather low expectations, GI JOE having Christopher Eccelston-a former Doctor Who-was a high point). I did get sick friday night into saturday, my sinuses exploding so most of my last full day there was spent sleeping. Also, my friend, Amy had her baby, Cordelia saturday morning at 2:09 am. Cordy was 5 weeks early and weighed 5lbs and was 18 inches but is in good heath. She is still in the hospital until she gains more weight, but we're all excited!
Home now, and the cats are excited to be back. There's been a lot of shuffling of people at work-something that seems to be making it marginally better. Ive gotta call tonight about a waitressing job my friend Dani mentioned to me at the Nines. Eric is also looking into a vacation to Alaska for next may-ish for Me, Him, Missy and frank, so ive gotta make some money! Here's hoping.
Oh yes, check out the camp pics on facebook!
Thats all for now. |
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| Shorts |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|03:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Salsa music | ] |
I need to post about vacation, but right now Im irked. With the heat and only owning one pair of shorts that are way too big on me I thought i would head to the mall to buy another pair. Pfft. Old Navy had nothing, neither did Gap or Bonton...WTF! Old Navy had some, but their inseam was probably 1/4" and thats just too short unless you a size -35, sorry I really dont want everyone to see my vag or great white thighs! You would think going froma size 22/24 to a 16/18 I could get some damn shorts, apparently not. Oh wait, I could have gotten some at Bonton if i had wanted them to have an elastic waistband and go to my knees. Is there nothing out there between skanky ho to grandma?
And just for the record I am a hater of capris.
Either way, i want shorts. |
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| Lots of awesomeness in one small picture |
[Jul. 29th, 2009|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Top Chef Masters | ] |
Korleen and I have been friends for the last 10 years or so! We've been through the Big M years, and the "catch me!" incident! We may not get to see eachother all that often, but when we do we always have a good time!
Also, between the two of us we've lost around 120 pounds! We some damn hot chicks who rock! |
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| Kitty Hide and Seek |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|09:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boston Legal | ] |
As I was laying on the couch playing the XBox (not feeling very well) I noticed that I had not seen Lina in awhile. So, I looked EVERYWHERE for her, in the cupboards, under the beds, I even looked in the fridge-cause you never know. I caught Eric online and asked him for Lina's hiding spots...even looked outside. I finally thought to look under the couch Erynn and Chris gave me and low and behold...Lina. I didn't think she would fit under there. So when she didn't get out i lifted up the couch and she stayed under there. Either she really likes it or she is going emo on me...
I basically freaked out trying to find her, the pain. |
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| Crazy Weekend |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|09:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | RAW | ] |
It was a damn crazy weekend.
Friday I dropped off the cats to Frank and Missy's, then went home. That night I went to see Holly, Suzy, and Shannon at Holly's. Good times, good memories!
Saturday was the wedding of Steph and Lance, and I was the photographer. It was a small but fun affair, and also very exhausting. i got some great pics that i will start going through soon. I was at the reception until 8pm (I was up at running at 6:30am) and then after went over to see Tara and Amy Jo until midnight or so. When I got home mom was up so we visited until 2am, then i computed until 3am. Oh, I also had breakfast with Laura at the super-classy Sandy Creek Diner!
Sunday I got up at 11am (super late for me!) and then took most of the day to do laundry. My sister and her kids came over for dinner, after dinner was my Aunt Joy and Uncle Dennis, then later Tara, Amy, Garrett, and Torrey came and got into the pool. After the pool Nick came over and visited with me and Mom until 1:30 am!
This morning I got up at 9am, packed up and folded some clothes, went to the DMV to renew my registration, then off to see the Steeles: Korleen, Marc, Xavier, Leia, and Gaius! I then proceeded to Missy and Frank's to pick up my monsters and now Im home. I haven't unpacked anything, Im so lazy...and tired.
Eric comes home sometime this weekend (he leaves Japan on Thursday-it will be friday there though).
Its been a busy few days!
I also left the cord to my camera (the one to transfer pics) at home, so Mom is mailing it to me. Bah! |
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| Skirt |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|05:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
I'm tired of feeling that I am not good enough, pretty enough, THIN enough....
83 pounds....fuck them.
I bought a skirt today that is probably too short, I dont care.
And i have a bottle of wine which I am going to drink the whole damn thing.
While watching True Blood.
I may not be perfect but i'm passable. |
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linseedlindslee's journal
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